DISQUS

northflrn · 1 year ago

Long time reader First comment. Been there done that (as far as the marriage thing). I admire your skill and your heart in being willing to bare it to all of us. You are a wordsmith, my man, and it is truly a gift from God.< />< />God Speed AD God Speed

northflrn · 1 year ago

Long time reader First comment. Been there done that (as far as the marriage thing). I admire your skill and your heart in being willing to bare it to all of us. You are a wordsmith, my man, and it is truly a gift from God.< />< />God Speed AD God Speed

JeRRTep · 1 year ago

AD,< />May the Lord heal all your wounds! In time, I know he will.< />You always know how to get to me...in almost all of your KatyBeth post, I shed a tear!< />< />Now, smile :) and have that birthday drink with me already!!!< />kT

JeRRTep · 1 year ago

AD,< />May the Lord heal all your wounds! In time, I know he will.< />You always know how to get to me...in almost all of your KatyBeth post, I shed a tear!< />< />Now, smile :) and have that birthday drink with me already!!!< />kT

Garrett C · 1 year ago

Amazing post, AD. < />< />I can't really say anything more than that...

Garrett C · 1 year ago

Amazing post, AD. < />< />I can't really say anything more than that...

Anonymous · 1 year ago

I knew this was going to be good after reading the Zoul line. Powerful stuff AD, and hopefully others can learn from your mistakes.

Anonymous · 1 year ago

I knew this was going to be good after reading the Zoul line. Powerful stuff AD, and hopefully others can learn from your mistakes.

hilinda · 1 year ago

AD, you made me cry.< />< />There is so much truth in what you've written. < />< />I hope you- and perhaps someone else- benefit greatly from your having figured a lot of shit out.< />< />Sure wish we could sit and talk somewhere, and compare notes maybe. We see some things very similarly, looks like.

hilinda · 1 year ago

AD, you made me cry.< />< />There is so much truth in what you've written. < />< />I hope you- and perhaps someone else- benefit greatly from your having figured a lot of shit out.< />< />Sure wish we could sit and talk somewhere, and compare notes maybe. We see some things very similarly, looks like.

The Old Man · 1 year ago

Dayum, Sam. For a guy that supposedly bunkers up, you sure opened up this time. God Bless you and Katy Beth.

The Old Man · 1 year ago

Dayum, Sam. For a guy that supposedly bunkers up, you sure opened up this time. God Bless you and Katy Beth.

Ninja Medic · 1 year ago

I'm having my husband read this. Earlier this year, we were at the point your and your Ex-Missus were at before she left - room mates, basically. And, I did the same thing she did - I left too. I moved down to your neck of the woods, and I applied for and was offered a job with the Borg. However, he persuaded me to come back for a visit, and against what I thought at the time was my better judgement, I came back. Came back, gave up the job with the Borg, and stayed.< />< />I'm glad that I did. Things aren't easy, but they're better than they were and I think that we have a real chance of making this work. I'm going to show him your article because I want him to know that we were not, are not, and won't be the only couple who lost sight of each other in our marriage, and that we are incredibly lucky to have been able to salvage what remained of 'us'.< />< />Thank you, AD. You have helped us and you didn't even know you were doing it. By the way, we're planning on coming to EMSstock next year. If and when I see you, you're in line for a hug and a brew or two. Or three.

Ninja Medic · 1 year ago

I'm having my husband read this. Earlier this year, we were at the point your and your Ex-Missus were at before she left - room mates, basically. And, I did the same thing she did - I left too. I moved down to your neck of the woods, and I applied for and was offered a job with the Borg. However, he persuaded me to come back for a visit, and against what I thought at the time was my better judgement, I came back. Came back, gave up the job with the Borg, and stayed.< />< />I'm glad that I did. Things aren't easy, but they're better than they were and I think that we have a real chance of making this work. I'm going to show him your article because I want him to know that we were not, are not, and won't be the only couple who lost sight of each other in our marriage, and that we are incredibly lucky to have been able to salvage what remained of 'us'.< />< />Thank you, AD. You have helped us and you didn't even know you were doing it. By the way, we're planning on coming to EMSstock next year. If and when I see you, you're in line for a hug and a brew or two. Or three.

LL · 1 year ago

AD, been there, done that. It sucks. I told my Ex, "If I wanted to live with my best friend and raise kids, I'd be in SEATTLE." I needed a husband, and didn't have one. So you have my sympathies.< />< />Glad to hear you have a truce going an it's ended well. < />< />Find another girlfriend. *grin*

LL · 1 year ago

AD, been there, done that. It sucks. I told my Ex, "If I wanted to live with my best friend and raise kids, I'd be in SEATTLE." I needed a husband, and didn't have one. So you have my sympathies.< />< />Glad to hear you have a truce going an it's ended well. < />< />Find another girlfriend. *grin*

Anonymous · 1 year ago

AD, I just want to say thanks so much for reading this. Today is my wedding anniversary...it would have been 4 years. About 2 years ago, my marriage fell apart. Every anniversary since then has been torture. But reading this gives me hope that it will get better & I will fell like a whole person again. After reading this, I don't hurt quite as bad. Thanks so much for being brave enough to put your heartache & healing out there for the world to see. I hate to be all sentimental (especially with someone I don't know) but I can't tell you what reading this means to me. < />< />May the next September 23rd find you in love & celebrating a whole new anniversary. Good luck & God Speed!< />< />< />Tena

Anonymous · 1 year ago

AD, I just want to say thanks so much for reading this. Today is my wedding anniversary...it would have been 4 years. About 2 years ago, my marriage fell apart. Every anniversary since then has been torture. But reading this gives me hope that it will get better & I will fell like a whole person again. After reading this, I don't hurt quite as bad. Thanks so much for being brave enough to put your heartache & healing out there for the world to see. I hate to be all sentimental (especially with someone I don't know) but I can't tell you what reading this means to me. < />< />May the next September 23rd find you in love & celebrating a whole new anniversary. Good luck & God Speed!< />< />< />Tena

Anonymous · 1 year ago

That should say thanks so much for WRITING this. < />< />< />< />Tena

Anonymous · 1 year ago

That should say thanks so much for WRITING this. < />< />< />< />Tena

Xtine · 1 year ago

My god. You are such a powerful writer. < />< />That was so poignant. < />< /><3< />< />Some of the things you have written in here either describe me, my other half, or the two of us together, and perfectly so, and so this post was exceptionally easy to get lost in.< />< /><3<3<3 ♥

Xtine · 1 year ago

My god. You are such a powerful writer. < />< />That was so poignant. < />< /><3< />< />Some of the things you have written in here either describe me, my other half, or the two of us together, and perfectly so, and so this post was exceptionally easy to get lost in.< />< /><3<3<3 ♥

julie · 1 year ago

Thank you for writing this, AD. My parents divorced when I was a teenager; different reasons, but like you and the ex they both managed to heal eventually, and have come back to being something more like friends. All of us kids are so much the better for it; we didn't lose either parent when they divorced. Sounds like KatyBeth has the same kind of parents - it makes all the difference.

julie · 1 year ago

Thank you for writing this, AD. My parents divorced when I was a teenager; different reasons, but like you and the ex they both managed to heal eventually, and have come back to being something more like friends. All of us kids are so much the better for it; we didn't lose either parent when they divorced. Sounds like KatyBeth has the same kind of parents - it makes all the difference.

Wenchy · 1 year ago

How this resonates in my own heart with my current better half. Thank you from a long time lurker/fan.

Wenchy · 1 year ago

How this resonates in my own heart with my current better half. Thank you from a long time lurker/fan.

Ambulance Mommy · 1 year ago

You know, it must be something in the waters of EMS. Your story is identical to ours...only we have a boy, not a girl. In all the comments, I keep hearing it again and again and again that everyone else is going through this too. < />< />Thanks for sharing your story, and for allowing us to share peieces of ourselves with the rest of the community through your blog. Maybe together we can all figure out how to save ourselves, while saving everyone else around us too.

Ambulance Mommy · 1 year ago

You know, it must be something in the waters of EMS. Your story is identical to ours...only we have a boy, not a girl. In all the comments, I keep hearing it again and again and again that everyone else is going through this too. < />< />Thanks for sharing your story, and for allowing us to share peieces of ourselves with the rest of the community through your blog. Maybe together we can all figure out how to save ourselves, while saving everyone else around us too.

Stan · 1 year ago

Hopefully I can learn from your experience and not make the same mistakes.

Stan · 1 year ago

Hopefully I can learn from your experience and not make the same mistakes.

Epijunky · 1 year ago

AD... < />< />I don't know what to say other than thank you.< />< />Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us.

Epijunky · 1 year ago

AD... < />< />I don't know what to say other than thank you.< />< />Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us.

Joeymom · 1 year ago

And people wonder why respite is a necessary service, not a luxury. < />< />Thank you, AD. I have a husband to go hug now.

Joeymom · 1 year ago

And people wonder why respite is a necessary service, not a luxury. < />< />Thank you, AD. I have a husband to go hug now.

Can'tSpell, DVM · 1 year ago

Marry me AD....< />< />Only halfway kidding...< />< />:)< />< />Keep up the great writing.

Can'tSpell, DVM · 1 year ago

Marry me AD....< />< />Only halfway kidding...< />< />:)< />< />Keep up the great writing.

wonder_aloud · 1 year ago

your writing is absolutely amazing, I keep coming back for more

wonder_aloud · 1 year ago

your writing is absolutely amazing, I keep coming back for more

Larry · 1 year ago

It's true that time heals. I don't even want my ex dead and in hell anymore. On the contrary, I wish her a long life.< />And it doesn't even have to be a long and miserable life.

Larry · 1 year ago

It's true that time heals. I don't even want my ex dead and in hell anymore. On the contrary, I wish her a long life.< />And it doesn't even have to be a long and miserable life.

phlegmfatale · 1 year ago

This Post Mortem is a veritable Valentine to a relationship that should have lasted. You both had the intelligence and the will to make it work, but the Fates were against you. I'm sad about the ending, but you are an intelligent man, and with the wisdom you have gained, you can find this kind of love again and make it last. True, you may not have the dewy-eyed optimism of your first love, but in ways, it may be better and more sustaining. I wish the very best for you, and for us all for whom the first shot was a mis-fire, for whatever reason.

phlegmfatale · 1 year ago

This Post Mortem is a veritable Valentine to a relationship that should have lasted. You both had the intelligence and the will to make it work, but the Fates were against you. I'm sad about the ending, but you are an intelligent man, and with the wisdom you have gained, you can find this kind of love again and make it last. True, you may not have the dewy-eyed optimism of your first love, but in ways, it may be better and more sustaining. I wish the very best for you, and for us all for whom the first shot was a mis-fire, for whatever reason.

Castr8r · 1 year ago

From me, too- been there; done that. It took me seven years to get on the road to healing, and I wouldn't have made it without a deep faith in God, who gave me a small boy to take care of. I ended up with full custody of our son, and I had to "be there" for him. It's a tough row to hoe, but it can be done without keeping a rancorous relationship. I recently met the Ex' new BF, and he's a great guy. I wish them the best. Thanks for your story; it helps me to know that we aren't alone.

Castr8r · 1 year ago

From me, too- been there; done that. It took me seven years to get on the road to healing, and I wouldn't have made it without a deep faith in God, who gave me a small boy to take care of. I ended up with full custody of our son, and I had to "be there" for him. It's a tough row to hoe, but it can be done without keeping a rancorous relationship. I recently met the Ex' new BF, and he's a great guy. I wish them the best. Thanks for your story; it helps me to know that we aren't alone.

Erica · 1 year ago

AD - Thank You. As with your first installment, I see so much of myself in you, and so much of your relationship in my own wonderful-yet-turbulent EMS-founded one. I regrettably didn't pull my head out in time, either, and the pain of losing my second shot at happiness is almost unbearable right now. Reading your post helps it feel less lonely, anyhow. Thanks again.

Erica · 1 year ago

AD - Thank You. As with your first installment, I see so much of myself in you, and so much of your relationship in my own wonderful-yet-turbulent EMS-founded one. I regrettably didn't pull my head out in time, either, and the pain of losing my second shot at happiness is almost unbearable right now. Reading your post helps it feel less lonely, anyhow. Thanks again.

radioactive girl · 1 year ago

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I will send this link to my husband because I think he might need to read this too.

radioactive girl · 1 year ago

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I will send this link to my husband because I think he might need to read this too.

Lissa · 1 year ago

I'm engaged, AD, due to marry my fiance in April. I'm sending him the links to Part One and Two and asking him to read it. Thank you so much for sharing, for your honesty, and for educating a newbie on things that go wrong in that concept called Life.< />< />I'm so sorry that things didn't work out for you . . . but that doesn't mean they won't in the future!

Lissa · 1 year ago

I'm engaged, AD, due to marry my fiance in April. I'm sending him the links to Part One and Two and asking him to read it. Thank you so much for sharing, for your honesty, and for educating a newbie on things that go wrong in that concept called Life.< />< />I'm so sorry that things didn't work out for you . . . but that doesn't mean they won't in the future!

TOTWTYTR · 1 year ago

< />< />Thanks for the kind words, AD. You know that I love you too, bro, in a manly sort of way. We've slept together twice, but that was purely economics. Besides, even a tough guy like you needs cuddling now and then. Really folks, that's all it was, cuddling. For crying out loud folks, can't real men cuddle now and then? AD and I aren't going all Brokeback EMS on you Really. < />< />For the record, I only tried on the sheep costume that ONE time and I didn't even put on the head. It was a joke, damn it! And I didn't Baaaa like a sheep even once.

TOTWTYTR · 1 year ago

< />< />Thanks for the kind words, AD. You know that I love you too, bro, in a manly sort of way. We've slept together twice, but that was purely economics. Besides, even a tough guy like you needs cuddling now and then. Really folks, that's all it was, cuddling. For crying out loud folks, can't real men cuddle now and then? AD and I aren't going all Brokeback EMS on you Really. < />< />For the record, I only tried on the sheep costume that ONE time and I didn't even put on the head. It was a joke, damn it! And I didn't Baaaa like a sheep even once.

Morpheus · 1 year ago

Thank you for sharing. Very well written. Very moving.

Morpheus · 1 year ago

Thank you for sharing. Very well written. Very moving.

The Bad LT · 1 year ago

TOTWTYTR:< />< />Dude. Are we gonna have to bring the sheep doll/hand puppet baaaack?

The Bad LT · 1 year ago

TOTWTYTR:< />< />Dude. Are we gonna have to bring the sheep doll/hand puppet baaaack?

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Jesus...I need to call my wife..

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Jesus...I need to call my wife..

Jay G · 1 year ago

AD,< />< />What a powerful, touching story.< />< />The next time you're up in TOTWTYTR's neck of the woods, give a holler. < />< />I'll buy the first couple of rounds for everyone (and I don't drink, so built-in designated driver!), and tell you my story.< />< />I won't commit it to print. Not yet...

TOTWTYTR · 1 year ago

Bad LT, < />< />Two words. < />< />Inflatable. Sheep.

Jay G · 1 year ago

AD,< />< />What a powerful, touching story.< />< />The next time you're up in TOTWTYTR's neck of the woods, give a holler. < />< />I'll buy the first couple of rounds for everyone (and I don't drink, so built-in designated driver!), and tell you my story.< />< />I won't commit it to print. Not yet...

TOTWTYTR · 1 year ago

Bad LT, < />< />Two words. < />< />Inflatable. Sheep.

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Man I read your blog from time to time and it is quality stuff. This post was earth shattering for me. I had my divorce 4 years ago but I swear to God you were writing the story of my failed relationship with the ex wife.< />< />You encapsulated many of the feelings and observations I have about my own failings as a husband. I feel like this was a message sent to me directly, as I am engaged to be married again this June and I have been wondering if I will repeat some of the same mistakes the second time around.< />< />This is no small story, this is great writing. Thank you. It certainly impacted at least one person in a positive way.

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Man I read your blog from time to time and it is quality stuff. This post was earth shattering for me. I had my divorce 4 years ago but I swear to God you were writing the story of my failed relationship with the ex wife.< />< />You encapsulated many of the feelings and observations I have about my own failings as a husband. I feel like this was a message sent to me directly, as I am engaged to be married again this June and I have been wondering if I will repeat some of the same mistakes the second time around.< />< />This is no small story, this is great writing. Thank you. It certainly impacted at least one person in a positive way.

TheRedHead Who Reads · 1 year ago

AD, I read Part I and then checked back daily for Part II and it sure hits home with me. Sounds like my first marriage - only no children in that situation and we logged in 23 years together...as we went through one disaster to the next nonstop. Anything and everything that could go wrong - did. Sometimes you can only take so much. Our divorce was quick - 6 months and it was a done deal and we each had our freedom. < />< />I was angry about a lot of things for a while. I told my father that men were JERKS (except him of course)! He very gently gave me some wise advice - "Not every man is a jerk. There are nice guys out there. Don't judge all men by the one you just divorced. Don't lose your faith." < />< />I'm now coming up on 5 years of divorce and haven't seen my ex in 4 years, which is fine. He needs to figure out what he wants from life. In 23 years, we moved 15 times - and no, he wasn't in the military. He always got bored with his jobs, where we lived and everything eventually, including me. He was never happy. So now he has to figure out things for himself and do some hard work and soul searching. < />< />Me? How did I end up after all this? Well, I'm happy to say my father was right! (Thanks, Dad!) I had a very charming and wonderful landlady who was a matchmaker at heart and darn sneaky about it, too. (LOL) She had a hardworking and kind-hearted man who worked doing apartment maintenance and yard work for her and her husband. She had a feeling we ought to be introduced, thought we'd be good for one another. He was fixing up the new apartment that I was moving into while Mrs. Landlady showed me the apartment. I liked his attitude and quick wit - and I knew he was Trouble, full of mischief and would keep me on my toes. He saw my humor and intelligence right off and liked what he saw. He's not the kind of guy to let an opportunity pass him by. He surprised me by asking me out immediately that same day. < />< />To make a long story short, we dated, fell in love at a rock concert, and after four years of being together, we ended up getting married. We just celebrated our first anniversary together. It's his first marriage - but I know this time around that I've got a true partner in every sense. < />< />We have a great partnership together - he's a terrific friend, wonderfully sweet husband, hilariously fun guy to hang out with. We work hard and then make sure we get to rock concerts, go to minor league baseball games, visit friends and family, and just make time for fun and for us! My gal friends all say I'm lucky and does he have a brother? (LOL) I know he's got my back and I've certainly got his. We can count on each other in every way. < />< />He goes above and beyond for me to keep me happy. Last year my favorite cat died from kidney failure and I was heartbroken about it. Well, he had been saving up for a snow blower and instead he planned a huge surprise for my birthday by sneaking around with my family and friends about it, and he ended up buying for me a very special silver Maine Coon kitten which he gave to me at a surprise birthday party. He told me that he'd rather shovel snow all winter and put up with a back ache than to see me sad; that I needed a special kitten more than he needed the snow blower. Of course we had a ton of snow last winter up here in the Northeast and oh - did he shovel! Every day, I've thanked him for this special kitten who did heal my broken heart and is now a huge silver shaggy cat, who keeps us laughing all the time at his antics. < />< />That's the kind of guy he is - he'd do anything for me and I've never had that kind of love and support before. I realize now what I had been missing for all those years before in my first marriage - and I'm so very lucky to have found it in my second (and last) marriage. < />< />Trust me, AD, that there IS someone special out there for you - and you'll find her when the timing is right, most likely when you least expect to. < />< />Thanks for writing and sharing such a deeply personal post with your readers. A lot of us can relate to it but certainly can't put it into words like you do - you're really gifted. :D

TheRedHead Who Reads · 1 year ago

AD, I read Part I and then checked back daily for Part II and it sure hits home with me. Sounds like my first marriage - only no children in that situation and we logged in 23 years together...as we went through one disaster to the next nonstop. Anything and everything that could go wrong - did. Sometimes you can only take so much. Our divorce was quick - 6 months and it was a done deal and we each had our freedom. < />< />I was angry about a lot of things for a while. I told my father that men were JERKS (except him of course)! He very gently gave me some wise advice - "Not every man is a jerk. There are nice guys out there. Don't judge all men by the one you just divorced. Don't lose your faith." < />< />I'm now coming up on 5 years of divorce and haven't seen my ex in 4 years, which is fine. He needs to figure out what he wants from life. In 23 years, we moved 15 times - and no, he wasn't in the military. He always got bored with his jobs, where we lived and everything eventually, including me. He was never happy. So now he has to figure out things for himself and do some hard work and soul searching. < />< />Me? How did I end up after all this? Well, I'm happy to say my father was right! (Thanks, Dad!) I had a very charming and wonderful landlady who was a matchmaker at heart and darn sneaky about it, too. (LOL) She had a hardworking and kind-hearted man who worked doing apartment maintenance and yard work for her and her husband. She had a feeling we ought to be introduced, thought we'd be good for one another. He was fixing up the new apartment that I was moving into while Mrs. Landlady showed me the apartment. I liked his attitude and quick wit - and I knew he was Trouble, full of mischief and would keep me on my toes. He saw my humor and intelligence right off and liked what he saw. He's not the kind of guy to let an opportunity pass him by. He surprised me by asking me out immediately that same day. < />< />To make a long story short, we dated, fell in love at a rock concert, and after four years of being together, we ended up getting married. We just celebrated our first anniversary together. It's his first marriage - but I know this time around that I've got a true partner in every sense. < />< />We have a great partnership together - he's a terrific friend, wonderfully sweet husband, hilariously fun guy to hang out with. We work hard and then make sure we get to rock concerts, go to minor league baseball games, visit friends and family, and just make time for fun and for us! My gal friends all say I'm lucky and does he have a brother? (LOL) I know he's got my back and I've certainly got his. We can count on each other in every way. < />< />He goes above and beyond for me to keep me happy. Last year my favorite cat died from kidney failure and I was heartbroken about it. Well, he had been saving up for a snow blower and instead he planned a huge surprise for my birthday by sneaking around with my family and friends about it, and he ended up buying for me a very special silver Maine Coon kitten which he gave to me at a surprise birthday party. He told me that he'd rather shovel snow all winter and put up with a back ache than to see me sad; that I needed a special kitten more than he needed the snow blower. Of course we had a ton of snow last winter up here in the Northeast and oh - did he shovel! Every day, I've thanked him for this special kitten who did heal my broken heart and is now a huge silver shaggy cat, who keeps us laughing all the time at his antics. < />< />That's the kind of guy he is - he'd do anything for me and I've never had that kind of love and support before. I realize now what I had been missing for all those years before in my first marriage - and I'm so very lucky to have found it in my second (and last) marriage. < />< />Trust me, AD, that there IS someone special out there for you - and you'll find her when the timing is right, most likely when you least expect to. < />< />Thanks for writing and sharing such a deeply personal post with your readers. A lot of us can relate to it but certainly can't put it into words like you do - you're really gifted. :D

Rogue Medic · 1 year ago

As many have written, a story that is too familiar for a lot of us. < />< />I am surprised at TOTWTYTR. I thought you two did a dog and pony show.

Rogue Medic · 1 year ago

As many have written, a story that is too familiar for a lot of us. < />< />I am surprised at TOTWTYTR. I thought you two did a dog and pony show.

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Wow! AD... Thank you, not only for bearing your soul but also for the much needed slap in the face to pull my head out of the clouds. My husband and I share so many similarities with your story (our careers being the most obvious right on down to the evolution of the relationship). I can't seem to make the tears stop right now probably because the personality traits you described are also hauntingly similar. We have several more years invested than you, but luckily before we completely gave up, we actually forced ourselves to have a conversation, which was very difficult for both of us. I am happy to report that over a year has passed and many improvements have been made on both sides. It's still a work in progress though. He still doesn't communicate as well as he should and I sometimes internalize feelings. But I've quit obsessing about work (my way of dealing with things), and we both truly seem to be happier people. My biggest obstacle is knowing that he talked to several people about our troubles and I said nothing to anyone. Of course, as would be expected, I'm sure I was always the bad guy from his perspective, so I am having a very difficult time keeping company with anyone who heard his side. Even though I know it's not possible, nor would I honestly expect it, I can't help but feel like I deserve a public apology because our troubles were not all my fault. They were caused by years of resentment on both sides building up a little bit at a time and not dealing with the small things when they were important. < />< />So there, your amazing post is directly responsible for my finally letting those feelings be known. Figures it would have to be on the web. ;)

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Wow! AD... Thank you, not only for bearing your soul but also for the much needed slap in the face to pull my head out of the clouds. My husband and I share so many similarities with your story (our careers being the most obvious right on down to the evolution of the relationship). I can't seem to make the tears stop right now probably because the personality traits you described are also hauntingly similar. We have several more years invested than you, but luckily before we completely gave up, we actually forced ourselves to have a conversation, which was very difficult for both of us. I am happy to report that over a year has passed and many improvements have been made on both sides. It's still a work in progress though. He still doesn't communicate as well as he should and I sometimes internalize feelings. But I've quit obsessing about work (my way of dealing with things), and we both truly seem to be happier people. My biggest obstacle is knowing that he talked to several people about our troubles and I said nothing to anyone. Of course, as would be expected, I'm sure I was always the bad guy from his perspective, so I am having a very difficult time keeping company with anyone who heard his side. Even though I know it's not possible, nor would I honestly expect it, I can't help but feel like I deserve a public apology because our troubles were not all my fault. They were caused by years of resentment on both sides building up a little bit at a time and not dealing with the small things when they were important. < />< />So there, your amazing post is directly responsible for my finally letting those feelings be known. Figures it would have to be on the web. ;)

Fire Fox · 1 year ago

If anyone ever writes a manual on how to have a sucessful relationship... this will have to be part of it.

Fire Fox · 1 year ago

If anyone ever writes a manual on how to have a sucessful relationship... this will have to be part of it.

Anonymous · 1 year ago

I envy you. You still get to talk to her.< />< />Ray

Anonymous · 1 year ago

I envy you. You still get to talk to her.< />< />Ray

KK · 1 year ago

There is iron in your words.......

KK · 1 year ago

There is iron in your words.......

Andrea · 1 year ago

AD... in your post, you mentioned that you helped your ex recognize her destructive patterns, and nudged her to rewrite those scripts that contributed to the demise of your relationship. How wonderful of you to do that.< />< />Just a question.. have you done the same for your own pattern of withdrawal ? Have you faced that demon and started working towards rewriting that script; the very script that caused you to withdraw from your wife, at the time that you both needed to turn towards each other instead ?< />< />Every relationship, every interaction happens for a reason, and there is much that we can learn from each one. This is no exception.< />< />If we can emerge from each situation stronger, and become better people and better partners, then none of the time and heartache could ever be wasted.< />< />Something to think about. :)

Andrea · 1 year ago

AD... in your post, you mentioned that you helped your ex recognize her destructive patterns, and nudged her to rewrite those scripts that contributed to the demise of your relationship. How wonderful of you to do that.< />< />Just a question.. have you done the same for your own pattern of withdrawal ? Have you faced that demon and started working towards rewriting that script; the very script that caused you to withdraw from your wife, at the time that you both needed to turn towards each other instead ?< />< />Every relationship, every interaction happens for a reason, and there is much that we can learn from each one. This is no exception.< />< />If we can emerge from each situation stronger, and become better people and better partners, then none of the time and heartache could ever be wasted.< />< />Something to think about. :)

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Hey there, friend. Been a while since I stopped by. Wow...you just keep getting better and better! I miss ya, and am glad KatyBeth is doing so well.< />< />AD, what you write here is powerful stuff. Heard the overview before, but you still made me cry. And I am still workin' to get you on Oprah...< />< />Diesel Queen

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Hey there, friend. Been a while since I stopped by. Wow...you just keep getting better and better! I miss ya, and am glad KatyBeth is doing so well.< />< />AD, what you write here is powerful stuff. Heard the overview before, but you still made me cry. And I am still workin' to get you on Oprah...< />< />Diesel Queen

kevin · 1 year ago

amazing story. kept me captivated the whole time. same emotional pull as Crystal's "Chronicles" at Boobs (how I found your blog).

kevin · 1 year ago

amazing story. kept me captivated the whole time. same emotional pull as Crystal's "Chronicles" at Boobs (how I found your blog).

Anonymous · 12 months ago

Dang shame polyandry isn't accepted int this society. (or just about ANY society, for that matter.)< />< />She loves you both. Is that so wrong?< />< />You two sound as though you would make excellent co-husbands if any it weren't too weird for all parties to cope with.

phil · 9 months ago

my only compliant about you is that you dont update often enough. i cant even put into words the way you connect . thank you, and... just thank you.